Since starting this season I couldn't seem to figure out how to do it all again.
Reading back on my previous seasons I felt very desperate to get back to that person, to feel those feelings of joy and gratitude and see the good and happiness in just being me.
I didn't realise till that point that I had changed so much and that my life had taken such a new path. It scared and depressed me for a few hours. I started to re-trace the steps I had taken and I see it all a little more clearly. I feel that maybe recently I've been living in guilt. Guilt for leaving my family, guilt for starting a new family, guilt for not getting the help I needed before I took such drastic steps and guilt that what I had was the best thing I will ever have and therefore I don't deserve to be that happy again.
I'm not completely past that feeling, however I'm coming to terms with it, taking responsibility for my actions and learning to forgive. My intentions are to start anew. It's about constantly living in the joy of each moment and being grateful for everything I have. It's about being inline with the flow of the universe and ensuring that everything I do and say is aligned with who it is I want to become.
Im going to re-connect with that part of me where I was able to allow the manifestations to flow to me with ease and accept them with grace and gratitude.
The first step I'm going to take is to release the guilt bit by bit so I have room in my heart for joy and happiness. I'm going to let go of the blame I have placed on myself and others. I'm going to take responsibility for the things I've done and learn from the mistakes I've made.
It's time to move on from the negative flow I've been living in and giving out.
It's about asking the right questions, asking for the tools I need to make my big picture a reality.
1 - to manifest a 4brm 2bth room home with a nice easy to maintain back yard and a bungalow for under $300 per week. It needs to be close to public transport and Alz job and Wayne's prospective job. It needs to have a shopping centre close by and be a safe community. It has to have heating and cooling throughout with landlords/agents who don't mind having a large family living there and to be moved in before Jamiees b/day in December this year
2 - Manifest a job for Wayne that he can easily get to and from and for it to be within public transport reach and times
3 - manifest a good computer that is able to process and hold what I need in regards to my online business ventures
4 - Manifest my own transport and it has to be safe and with low maintenance requirements
5 - Manifest a coaching course that I can do either through centrelink or at a reasonably priced monthly payment option
6 - manifest draws
7 - Manifest a positive flow in communication in our entire family
8 - Manifest loving and fore filling relationships
9 - Manifest business success in my online ventures
10 - Manifest self sufficiency in my finances
It's a more well worded list and very specific
Tools I'm going to ute lose
1 - Afformations - I'm using these throughout my 100days reciting them when I awaken and before I go to bed
2 - post it notes to keep around the house with questions and Afformations
3 - burning post it notes with things I want to let go of each night
4 - Dream board
5 - weekly blogs
6 - gratitude journal
Ok longgggg post lol but I'm so glad and grateful that I have been able to sort through some of my negativity to start finding some clarity