Well, I fell back into the hole of negativity way back when, and didn't seem to pull myself away from it for a loooong time. I started a new challenge on Jan 16, and still have not had the motivation to focus on it. *rolls eyes at self*
Sometimes when things happen and we know that we've manifested it, it helps us move forward to what we do want in our lives. That by ignoring the fear, and not taking action, creates exactly what we feared. And that doing something from fear does not bring desired results either.
I'm so grateful for all my experiences. For all the wonderful people in my life - and even for the not so wonderful people, that I can choose to leave behind. I can love them for the time I spent with them, and understand that it was more than time for me to move on.
A very good friend told me last night, that whether you lose a male or female friend, the process of grieving the loss is the same. I never thought about it in those terms, but it makes sense to me. I always remember the poem about friends can be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime - and I know this recent friend was only an interim thing, but I had to wait for her to say something that would offend me enough to walk away.
I'm not certain why I had to do that, rather than simply walk away before, as I had wanted to, so many times. Why did I continue to attempt to boost someone else, and want to be boosted when I knew it was up to me to manifest my own feelings and my own good life. Why did I continue to focus on what I didn't want, that prevented me from moving forward? Silly, isn't it?
Well, that was 'yesterday'. It's done. I will figure out the lesson, but focus on what I do want. Today's a new day, and it's up to me to use this gift and the precious minutes I have, to manifest the very best day for myself and those around me.
Yesterday, my birthday, a real friend showed me what real friends are. My daughter had made no attempt to contact me or even ask me for coffee, and I was feeling a bit low due to all the other stuff going on in my life. So I decided to change it. I asked my g/f if she would accompany me to dinner as it was my birthday and I just wanted to go out. I told her that we would each pay our own, but that I would enjoy her company.
I met her at the restaurant, and the wonderful warm friend that she is, she had purchased a small gift for me, a birthday card, and after a delightful dinner, she insisted on buying it. I did protest and tell her that no, I didn't want her to do that, as I was so grateful to have her delightful presence.
Being very strong-willed - she insisted anyway. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful friend. A real friend that gives real hugs, and points out the good things in my life, when I'm down. But I'm also grateful for the people that are unable to give, for the particular 'friend' that turned her back on me and basically told me to 'suck it up' after months of supporting her when she was depressed and unmotivated. Yes, it was a bit surprising, but it was the catalyst that I needed to be able to shrug and walk away. To motivate myself to the goals that I want.
I am working on forgiveness to that person. Or maybe it is forgiveness for myself that I spent so much time and focus on her struggle and inertia, lack of goals and motivation, that it created the same in my own life. Whatever it is, I will manifest love for myself and for those around me today. For this amazing life that I've been blessed with, and the awesome talents that the universe has bestowed upon me!
Today, I'm painting a birthday card for my sister. I'm living the life that I want, with the wonderful people that I want around me. I am manifesting a part time job for myself, to supplement my business income. I'm manifesting new business, and abundance in all areas of my life.
Isn't life just an amazing journey?!