I was so happy to be participating in the Challenge again, but I am having trouble getting into it. I'm getting about half the things on my list done each day (which is an improvement, so I'm happy about that), but I'm not feeling the excitement that I felt at the beginning of my previous two Challenges. In general, I'm feeling pretty good, emotionally, but I just don't have that thrilling undercurrent that I've had in the past. Hopefully the excitement will build as I continue on. I am not
One reason I think I'm not feeling the excitement is that my mother recently made her transition, and I'm still trying to regain my balance and process my grief. She was in the hospital for about two months; it was a "one step forward, two steps back" ordeal. It was emotionally draining, no matter how hard I tried to maintain a positive attitude. I'm not sleeping very well, so that's impacting my energy level. And it's hard to get excited about something when I'm drained!
I do have some things happening to me to get excited about, so I think it's mostly my energy level. That, and the fact that I am trying to accomplish so much; even with my daily worksheet, I get a little overwhelmed sometimes. I had let my life get in such a state, that it's going to take a bit of effort to get it back on track.
To be honest, I feel a little silly. I read other people's intentions for their Challenge, and their goals seem so lofty compared to mine. I almost feel like I should have done this work before I decided to engage in a Challenge. But, I couldn't get my act together without the accountability of this project. For some reason, being accountable to myself just wasn't enough.
So, I'm going to persevere, no matter how silly I feel. I'm pleased with myself that I'm doing what I'm doing, even if it's not what I envisioned myself doing. The important thing is not how much I'm getting done, but that I'm making an improvement in my life. Lofty goals can come later!