The 100 Day Reality Challenge


Hey guys,

(sorry this is so long)

I am normally way above being a downer, and I hope that this doesn't seem that way. I am just struggling with some things and have no idea how to flip them around so I can be back in the flow of non-resistance! I find these things are holding me back me every day and I am a little down about them. I find myself so good with so many areas, but these are my "Sticking-Points." I really need to get past them, so thought I'd look beyond myself for some answers.

1. I am not happy with my son's school. The school is a "good" school, but it is not progressive in any way and I'd rather he go to a more arsty or environmental-focused school. We live in a city that has lots of cool schools, but my husband is fine with this school. When I've brought it up he got annoyed at me. I can't help wanting to lean my son's education in a direction that I feel is important and future-focused. He is a smart, artistic, open-minded kid, I would like him to be educated in an environment that mirrors our values. He likes art, for one, and his class rarely does any art! He's in Kindergarten for goodness sake! I thought they were all about art! Not this school.... Sigh...

Another thing is that my son is a 1/2 day Kindergarten kid and there are only a few other kids in that boat. This has narrowed down the amount of parents I interact with. I only really like one other Mom that picks up her son at lunchtime. The rest barely look at me or speak to me, and have been dismissive when I talk to them, I've even had them turn their backs on me! His school is in an affluent neighborhood, we live in the neighborhood next door (one with normal incomes). So I wonder if that is why I feel snubbed? Do they look down on me, or am I giving off a vibe??? ALSO, I am the only parent in that group who only has one child. I am bugged by this, I am being very honest here. I feel on the outside, looking in. They all come with babies and toddlers in tow, but not me. The last difference is that some of the mom's come dressed in pretty snazzy outfits, too, even high heels! High heels to pick up their Kindergarteners! I come in jeans and my Crocs. I am just me! I feel that being me is not allowing me to make friends at the school and I don't enjoy it.

These are lots of things, I know, but it is really getting to me. I go to pick up my son and every day I decide to be positive and open to whatever happens, decide to speak to anyone who is there, but I am usually disappointed. HELP!!!! I really want to make friends with the other parents, even though down deep I really just want to change schools. I don't know what to do.

2. My health. I really want to eat Raw foods
, I desire being like 80% Raw or more. So far I haven't felt good eating Raw though and I am wondering if I won't be able to eat this way. I want to be healthy and have energy and I am not sure there are any other options left. Trust me, I've tried them all. I am frustrated and can't find answers to this in any of the Raw books I'm reading or on the Raw websites. I only see things about Detoxing and that you just need to go through it to feel better. I feel like my body isn't happy though. It sucks. I am trying to listen to my body, not push it into submission! And I need energy NOW, not in a few months. I need to help my Grandmother and Grandfather. She is very ill, needs me to visit her, needs support, etc., and I haven't had the energy to help. I feel so useless right now. Okay, I'm just getting over the flu, but even before that the Raw thing wasn't working. The more Raw I ate, the worse I felt. Stinks.

3. Noise in my backyard is unsettling me. We bought a house in a quiet neighborhood in September. This house has a decent sized back yard (for living in the city anyway) and we bought it so we can put in a garden. I want to make gardening a bigger part of my life, maybe even let it lead to a new way of life for us! The trouble I'm having is with noise in my back yard. I didn't know it when we bought the house, but there is a Montessori school that uses the yard behind our house for a playground. It is the backyard of a church, which is not really near our house, so I didn't think about it when we bought our house. So, the church is quiet, but the school near to the church brings their kids back there to play every weekday. And they play RIGHT NEXT to my backyard. On dry days they are back there for 2-3 hours at a time. I've gone out to garden and there are kids screaming and running past my shrubs, 2 feet away from me. It is really unnerving me and makes me want to cry. I LOVE KIDS, but I also need some meditative time in the garden. I crave it. I bought this house to nurture that part of my life! I want to NOT CARE about those kids, about the noise, but I do.

I feel like this is somehow due to the LOA, as we have had noisy neighbors in the past (a noisy church in our last rental house where we got woke up at 6am every morning because of a Mormon school). I wonder if I resisted that old noise so much that I am getting a residual thing going on here at this house!!! Really, I don't know how i manifested this!!! When I set my intentions for my house we got everything on our top 10 list of desires. BUT there were things I "forgot" to ask for. Like no kids screaming so I can plant my veggies!

SO, here I am. I am letting out my frustrations. I am trying to be all ZEN and let these things just wash over me, not let them bother me, but they are!!! I feel that these things are hindering my growth so much. I feel that my resistance to them is keeping me from moving forward. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW NOT TO FEEL RESISTANCE TO THEM. Honestly. I don't.

I would love to hear some of your thoughts on these subjects. I just don't want to hear that I am being silly or un-positive. I am trying here folks. I really am.

I know there are much more serious problems in the world, I know I can't really say that I am suffering.... But I am not living my life with any kind of energy or bliss, no matter what I try. I have these things as blocks and I can't serve the world until I get past them. They bring my vibration down and I find that a bummer. And I really do want to serve the world, want to find my bliss so I can add more bliss to the mix. :)

THANKS for reading all of this, I love you for doing it!
Much love,
Clarissa

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Comment by Clarissa Kelly on March 3, 2009 at 8:03pm


Hi Everyone!

I am rereading this blog and the responses, I had thought I replied to all of them when i hadn't. Your post were so long and thoughtful, thanks for everything you brought to my attention.

I do know that I was resisting, that was the crazy part! I didn't know how to break the resistance to those things. I didn't know how to turn my attention from the things I didn't like. I couldn't figure out how to make peace, how to let go... These three things have been frustrating me for awhile now and that frustration turned into resistance. I have asked to just be fine with them, to not let them bother me, but it wasn't happening.

Well, this is why I put my "asking" here to the group, I was intending to get some answers to help me shift my thinking. So my blog was really me asking the Universe in a more specific way, now that I think about it!
I wanted to manifest ways of "flowing" with these 3 things. And now I am able to let go and let things take a new course!

So now, I have let these 3 things begin to take a new shape, and here is what has happened:

1. The School. My husband and I decided to sign my son up for FULL DAY Kindergarten starting after spring break. The school is being very helpful with this! My son will be able to have a more well-rounded day and might find that he is doing more art. I will be meeting more parents this way, will plan to speak to them when I pick him up at 3pm. I am going to cultivate my friendship with the one Mom I already am friendly with and will be open to others.

AND I will be more able to assist in the classroom, as I will have more free time. I will be missing my son, no doubt and I be begging to help in the classroom with art and things! Maybe I will even offer to do some Children's Theatre games one day (used to teach this).

2. Raw Food Frustration. I was worrying that I wouldn't be able to go Raw, that I would be left again to my own confusion about my health! I am letting go of needing to be on a strict, focused health plan, needing to be "sure" that I am on the right diet plan, and I am focusing instead on eating as healthy as I can. I believe I will find clues and cues from the Universe on what to eat as I go! I know that Raw food will be a part of it, but I will be introducing them as they align with my body's type specific needs and seasonal needs. I blogged about this today at:

http://rawreality.vox.com/library/post/raw-reconsidered.html

I am accepting that there is a perfect way of eating that is not going to be like anyone else's. I do not have to conform or force my body to accept a way of eating, just because other people are successful at it, just because I THINK it should work. I am not other people!. :) The biggest blessing here is that I am relying on my INTUITION and my body's own signals to tell me how to eat. I believe that is the best way, but I guess I have been afraid of relying on myself to know how to find my health. So from now on I trust myself.

BTW, I do have some food intolerance, I avoid those things as a rule. I have been allergy tested, nothing obvious has been revealed. I am going to ask my body to tell me when i am bothered by something, there may be more I don't realize. Lately it has been certain vegetables bothering me. I believe (as my Vox blog says) that I will be able to eat more veggies as the weather warms up. I also soak nuts before eating them and that REALLY helps with digesting them. So yes, I am going to really be mindful of how foods "feel" while digesting them. A food journal might be the thing to help! Thanks Emha!!!

3. The backyard noise. Still not sure how this will work, but I am planning my garden now to be exactly how I want it, not focusing on how to block out the children (I am going to take out some large hedges for instance). I will focus on the beauty of the backyard and I will believe that every time I desire to go out there I will find a peaceful atmosphere. Or I can be flexible--nothing wrong with letting go of control now and then. :)

I am so thankful for this group and for the work we all do here. We are truly co-creating with each other and I am very blessed to be able to learn from you all.
Love,
Clarissa
Comment by Poetry Girl aka mytruestory85 on March 1, 2009 at 3:26pm
Yes, I didn't see it from that point. I agree with Emha. He could look across the fence and calling you and telling you what a great time he has at the kindergarden and with his new friends, also the thing with being to loud, you can as suggested do other things at that time shopping etc. and plan your day and do gardening at some other time when it's more quiet.
Comment by Emha on March 1, 2009 at 3:15pm
Hey Clarissa!
We Dutch people are known for being blunt and straightforward, so here it is without sugar-coating, but with the best intentions:

I sense a lot of resistance in your blog. As a student of LOA you know that your resistance attracts more resistant vibration in to your life (like your husbands resistance to change and the resistance from the other moms at school).

Whatever you fight you strengthen, what you resist persists

Remember: complaining serves no purpose, it is the ego trying to justify itself.

There is another way to deal with situations: make peace with them. Then the action comes from acceptance and is not a resistant or defensive re-action, which makes it much stronger
To create changes that will make you happy you’ll have to start by letting go of your resistance and accept what is; have peace with what is.
If you are at peace with what is, action will come from acceptance and not from resistance. Things are more likely to work out when you are in a harmonious state rather than in a state of resistance.
When you are in a state of acceptance and eager for changes (for the better) to come, you will get inspired and guided by your inner wisdom. And then: from inspiration you take action! And you will find doors will open to new opportunities

As for your relationship with the other moms at school: whenever one person feels superior or inferior to someone else, that’s their ego talking. Allow someone else’s ego to be there; don’t fight it. A dysfunction in a person is not the person. It’s their ego, it’s not them.

As for the noisy children in the playfield: this is also your own resistance you are experiencing. Imagine how it would be if your son was to be one of the children from the Montessori school (btw my daughter attended a Montessori school). And he would come running over to your garden fence every day. Shouting over the fence: “Hey mummy, look I’m here playing with my friends! – Love you Mummy – See you later!” Wouldn’t you just love that?

As for the RAW food attempt: since there already is a vibe of resistance going on, you might consider the possibility that you might well be intolerant (resistant) to one or more ingredients. The first thing I would think of is nuts. Many people do not digest nuts very well; some are even allergic to them. Even though nuts are considered to be very healthy, you always have to consider the individual digestion. I would suggest that you start a journal in which you write every meal (and its ingredients) and how you feel half an hour, an hour, an hour and a half and two hours after each meal. Also take notes of your (I’m sorry) bowel movements (how often and the consistency). This will help you determine what’s going on. I would also suggest using only one kind of nuts per day, for instance almonds on Monday, cashews on Tuesday and so on. You might only be having problems with only one or two sorts (my daughter can eat everything but walnuts). If nuts are not the problem, do the same thing with fruits, attempting to eliminate the one that might cause the problem.

This comment is well on its way to be even longer than the blog itself, so I think I have to end it by now. I hope I haven’t been to straightforward, please know that I am sincere in my intentions.
Comment by Tamara Rasheed on February 28, 2009 at 1:10pm
Dear Clarissa,

I know it's hard to open up like that, but sometimes we have to do it so that the Universe hears us more clearly.

1. It sounds like Colin's school isn't in your flow at all :( I chose Olivia's school because everything about it was in my particular flow, and I get alone with everyone I interact with very well. I'm not looking to make friends with the parents, but if I was I think it would be easy to do so. Is your husband working? Who spends the most time with Colin and the school? If it is you, then I think the decision for where he goes should lean more toward what you feel you need because you have to interact with it frequently. Just my opinion, if I were in your shoes, I would need things to move in my flow so that I could be comfortable.

2. I'm sorry I don't know about raw foods. I had a friend named Ben Swets who ate raw and he seemed very healthy, but I never learned anything about it. I'm sorry I'm not much help there. However, I did want to try those acai berry supplements. I know that's different, but it's natural and provides energy.

3. We talked so much about balance too, and when things are resistant to your flow you have to find a way to create balance so that you stop resisting :) Maybe you can put a waterfall in your garden or something that creates another noise that is pleasant and serene? Have you considered something like that? A fountain or something where you can hear the splash of water (if you like that). That's what came to my mind immediately, so maybe that will help you. Maybe there are other noises that will create a counterbalance to the noise of the children?

I certainly don't think you're being negative or unpleasant, you're only trying to achieve your flow and bliss so that you can enjoy being comfortable, and there's nothing wrong with that. I hope some of those things I suggested help, and if not, we'll keep trying!

Love you,
Tamara
Comment by Clarissa Kelly on February 28, 2009 at 12:38pm
Hi my friends, I woke up to find some amazing, kind, and thoughtful comments here and wanted to reply..

Janine, you are so sweet to say such things. I will keep smiling at the ladies who have their own little clique, it isn't that they are snubbing me, as much as they are just into their own thing. I met another mom the other day who seems cool, whose son is a full-day student. I will open myself to knowing her better, and other moms. The school strives for "excellence" which also seems like they push the kids above their age and their development. Many of the boys seem frustrated with all of the writing, for example. My son does the writing but wishes for more art. It's just that different schools are great for different kids. The school next door is only through age 6 and in Montessori you have to start out in their school when they are 3. Or he may have gone there! :)

Sanya, your answer is so full and made me think, thanks SO SO MUCH. Yes, I can see that I am creating through the contrast of the current situation. I was vague in these areas when I moved here, they were not my priorities. Partly I was trying to satisfy my husband by finding a house near to his job. I was focusing on the practical aspects and left some of my "finer points" to the side of my desires. But now I can ask for those!

Having one child (for now) is very satisfying, I feel whole and wonderful being a mom to him. He is the light of my life and the best thing I've ever created! There are some personal reasons I've not had more children, some health and relationship issues, that leave me feeling a bit sorry for myself. My feeling is that I want to mother more children, which is why we are looking at fostering. It is just something at 40 that I am grappling with (whether to bear another child). So it makes me sensitive. :)

The Raw food is a process, and the few who can do it "cold turkey" set the bar really high for those of us who then feel "listless and drained" which is how I have felt on my high-raw days. I wonder if I will be able to do more Raw, though maybe the end of winter isn't the easiest time to go Raw. I do believe that the seasons should dictate what we eat a bit, and our bodies do go through phases of what they need. Perhaps no diet is effective all year-round. And many of the Raw foodists who are successful seem to live in warm climates!
Thanks for reminding me that we all need to listen to our bodies. Raw food should be a reaction to our bodies needing health, not just another thing we force our bodies to cope with. I will let my body tell me where to go with this...

Emha, thanks for the love, I'll take it. ♥♥♥♥♥

Mascha, your picture really makes me smile!! I have felt vulnerable since moving in September. I had just gotten over the move from England, which took me a year! I had made friends, felt at home finally, then we up and moved again to another city. So I've felt a totally lack of control and direction at times. I do love seeing the different perspectives, that is the magic of this group. I am relieved at the possibilities, and a little excited to see which way things will be going now. I am all about CLARITY this year after all...

And guess what??? I HAVE that book, but I haven't actually read it! I got it for Christmas but it has been put away since then. How happy I am that you have reminded me to pick it up off of the shelf. I will do it today!

Much love to you all,
Clarissa
Comment by crystalspirit on February 28, 2009 at 6:56am

Sweet Clarissa,

Thanks for your honesty about your feelings!!! Noticing the resistance you have is bringing you awareness, can imagine it must be difficult to deal with being vulnerable
I like how you're supported by this mastermindgroup~ just like you wished for!!! Seeing different perspectives brings new creative ideas Maybe that already brings relief- to know there are more possibilities to react to these situations that are blocking you~*Great idea to open up, clarity is there!!

Have you read The Artist's way by Julia Cameron??? It explains a lot!!! Can change your life completely~* Go for it!!! Your mission is your own life first..

Many hugs,
Mascha
Comment by Emha on February 28, 2009 at 6:31am
Hey Clarissa. I read your blog while running late for an appointment. I want to comment on your blog seriously and take my time for it so I'll get back to you later.

In the meantime I send you my love,
Emha
Comment by Lil Miss Starlight on February 28, 2009 at 5:24am
Hi Clarissa.

Wow, okay, you are not having an easy week. But I think that you are doing well anyway. It sounds to me like you are just fine-tuning your creations. I think that it's absolutely amazing & inspiring that you were able to manifest a home with all the points that you were looking for at the time! It's perfectly fine now & normal to fine-tune this, as your points change. Don't we all do this in some way? We reach our goal, and then, realise what else we would like to create, then move towards something else. I think that it's all part of the journey, and not really that you are attracting in the wrong way. You are simply noticing the contrast, so that you can manifest an even more amazing life. It's all good.

About the school, I think you have your answer in what you wrote. It really does sound like deep-down you would prefer a different school for your son. There is nothing wrong with that. Of course you want him to be happy & it seems a bit wierd that they don't do much art in Kindergarten! How could you have known that beforehand? You've tried it, and seen that it's not to your preference. So, if it feels right for you to change, go for it. If your hubby is happy with this school, he probably will be with a new one too - maybe he just doesn't want to go through the hassle of the change? Anyway, I wish you good luck with whatever you choose to do.
...Oh, and about not having more kids: you are so lucky! You get to spend as much time as you wish with your son, without other siblings getting jealous and fighting for your attention! Sometimes it's not easy having more than one. I love my girls &wouldn't change having them for the world, but sometimes I have wondered how much easier life would be with just one child. (i feel guilty for writing this btw) and sometimes I feel a bit envious of my friends with just one child. They seem to have much saner and more balanced lives. But that is the path that I chose, I suppose both paths have their perks and pitfalls.

Oh, and with the raw food. I think you are doing well following your intuition. Your body knows what it needs. That's why I can't do 100% raw yet either. Because it comes to a point when I just crave a nice, warm, cooked meal - and I find that I have more energy this way, than on the days where I ate more raw. I too found that if I eat too much raw food, I just feel listless & drained. I suppose it's all about finding a balance. I hope for you that you find your balance with it. Follow your intuition & I think you'll be fine.

oh, and totally off the topic - I'm so chuffed to know that we in the UK are up to date with American Idol. I was convinced that we were 3 months behind or something. I loved Mischavonna too! I hope she gets another chance. I don't think only 3 going through is enough either, but I thinks that Simon mentioned something about bringing back another 6 next week??? I hope so! I loved Jasmine Murray also & didn't really like the 'cute' guy that got through, He didn't even sing that well!?! Mischavonna was way better - who cares if she was serious. That's just her. Why do people have to be super-fake-happy to get a chance on that show?

Anyway, enough of my ranting. Sending you lots & lots & lots of love. I hope that you quickly manifest the most perfect solutions to these situations, and may they be even better than you imagined ♥♥♥
Comment by Janine on February 27, 2009 at 10:28pm
Hey Clarissa,
Just keep smiling and talking to them. Sooner or later they will realise what a truly beautiful person you are and will accept you for being you.
I too at times have felt like an outsider. It turned out someone who didnt like me because I wouldnt buy anything at a party plan thing she invited me to, had spread nasty rumours. So.....I just kept smiling and talking to everyone. It took a year for someone to say something about what she had been saying......then I gave her both barrells in front of everyone.
Shallow people are simply that, too shallow to think about anyone else but their own feelings and little world.
Maybe also, your view of the school are colored by the views of the parents there. It does seem very strange for kindergartners not to do art.....I thought they all spent heaps of time painting and drawing. Kindergarten is hardly too late to change schools.
Anyway, what I was trying to say Clarissa, just be the beautiful, warm, loving and caring person you are, and sooner or later people will recognise your wonderful characteristics.
PS.....about the school who plays next door.......maybe its the right school for your son??? Playtime may be a time when you could be out doing other things......art classes, shopping, volunteering or just socialising. Just plan as much as you can at the times when the kids willl be their noisiest.
Jayxx
Comment by Clarissa Kelly on February 27, 2009 at 9:59pm
Hey Greg,
I accidentally deleted your post (my head cold is making me do strange things), so I had meant to reply. I think that my main question in my post was that I am not attracting the things and people that I have meant to attract and it has just seemed very odd to me, so I need help finding out WHY. I feel so strongly about those things and yet I've gotten the opposite. I found us the "right house" with the help of the Universe, but many of the details, such as school and making friends, has eluded me.

I am letting go of resisting these things, taking my eyes off of what "isn't right" and I'm going to re-double my efforts to paint a new picture in my mind of what I am looking to see on the outside.

Clothes are just the wrapping, I am sure that no one is judging me for the way I dress, it's only me feeling a bit drab, so I will just put those feelings away so they don't get bigger. I won't be someone who I am not anyway, even if I thought they were looking down on me. If I had a million dollars I would still wear jeans and Crocs. :)
CK

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