(sorry this is so long)
I am normally way above being a downer, and I hope that this doesn't seem that way. I am just struggling with some things and have no idea how to flip them around so I can be back in the flow of non-resistance! I find these things are holding me back me every day and I am a little down about them. I find myself so good with so many areas, but these are my "Sticking-Points." I really need to get past them, so thought I'd look beyond myself for some answers.
1. I am not happy with my son's school.
The school is a "good" school, but it is not progressive in any way and I'd rather he go to a more arsty or environmental-focused school. We live in a city that has lots of cool schools, but my husband is fine with this school. When I've brought it up he got annoyed at me. I can't help wanting to lean my son's education in a direction that I feel is important and future-focused. He is a smart, artistic, open-minded kid, I would like him to be educated in an environment that mirrors our values. He likes art, for one, and his class rarely does any art! He's in Kindergarten for goodness sake! I thought they were all about art! Not this school.... Sigh...
Another thing is that my son is a 1/2 day Kindergarten kid and there are only a few other kids in that boat. This has narrowed down the amount of parents I interact with. I only really like one other Mom that picks up her son at lunchtime. The rest barely look at me or speak to me, and have been dismissive when I talk to them, I've even had them turn their backs on me!
His school is in an affluent neighborhood, we live in the neighborhood next door (one with normal incomes). So I wonder if that is why I feel snubbed? Do they look down on me, or am I giving off a vibe??? ALSO, I am the only parent in that group who only has one child. I am bugged by this, I am being very honest here.
I feel on the outside, looking in. They all come with babies and toddlers in tow, but not me. The last difference is that some of the mom's come dressed in pretty snazzy outfits, too, even high heels! High heels to pick up their Kindergarteners! I come in jeans and my Crocs. I am just me! I feel that being me is not allowing me to make friends at the school and I don't enjoy it.
These are lots of things, I know, but it is really getting to me. I go to pick up my son and every day I decide to be positive and open to whatever happens, decide to speak to anyone who is there, but I am usually disappointed. HELP!!!! I really want to make friends with the other parents, even though down deep I really just want to change schools. I don't know what to do.
2. My health. I really want to eat Raw foods
, I desire being like 80% Raw or more. So far I haven't felt good eating Raw though and I am wondering if I won't be able to eat this way. I want to be healthy and have energy and I am not sure there are any other options left.
Trust me, I've tried them all. I am frustrated and can't find answers to this in any of the Raw books I'm reading or on the Raw websites. I only see things about Detoxing and that you just need to go through it to feel better. I feel like my body isn't happy though. It sucks. I am trying to listen to my body, not push it into submission! And I need energy NOW, not in a few months. I need to help my Grandmother and Grandfather. She is very ill, needs me to visit her, needs support, etc., and I haven't had the energy to help. I feel so useless right now. Okay, I'm just getting over the flu, but even before that the Raw thing wasn't working. The more Raw I ate, the worse I felt. Stinks.
3. Noise in my backyard is unsettling me.
We bought a house in a quiet neighborhood in September. This house has a decent sized back yard (for living in the city anyway) and we bought it so we can put in a garden. I want to make gardening a bigger part of my life, maybe even let it lead to a new way of life for us! The trouble I'm having is with noise in my back yard.
I didn't know it when we bought the house, but there is a Montessori school that uses the yard behind our house for a playground. It is the backyard of a church, which is not really near our house, so I didn't think about it when we bought our house. So, the church is quiet, but the school near to the church brings their kids back there to play every weekday. And they play RIGHT NEXT to my backyard. On dry days they are back there for 2-3 hours at a time. I've gone out to garden and there are kids screaming and running past my shrubs, 2 feet away from me. It is really unnerving me and makes me want to cry. I LOVE KIDS, but I also need some meditative time in the garden. I crave it. I bought this house to nurture that part of my life! I want to NOT CARE about those kids, about the noise, but I do.
I feel like this is somehow due to the LOA, as we have had noisy neighbors in the past (a noisy church in our last rental house where we got woke up at 6am every morning because of a Mormon school). I wonder if I resisted that old noise so much that I am getting a residual thing going on here at this house!!! Really, I don't know how i manifested this!!! When I set my intentions for my house we got everything on our top 10 list of desires. BUT there were things I "forgot" to ask for. Like no kids screaming so I can plant my veggies!
SO, here I am. I am letting out my frustrations. I am trying to be all ZEN and let these things just wash over me, not let them bother me, but they are!!! I feel that these things are hindering my growth so much. I feel that my resistance to them is keeping me from moving forward. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW NOT TO FEEL RESISTANCE TO THEM. Honestly. I don't.
I would love to hear some of your thoughts on these subjects. I just don't want to hear that I am being silly or un-positive. I am trying here folks. I really am.
I know there are much more serious problems in the world, I know I can't really say that I am suffering.... But I am not living my life with any kind of energy or bliss, no matter what I try. I have these things as blocks and I can't serve the world until I get past them. They bring my vibration down and I find that a bummer. And I really do want to serve the world, want to find my bliss so I can add more bliss to the mix. :)
THANKS for reading all of this, I love you for doing it!