The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Still Day 12 but update on Going out

I swear standing up for yourself and doing things to make you happy or just a tiny time alone sure can be hard. Once he came home, I told him I had plans. course the moment he came in he was telling us to hurry and get dressed so we can leave so he could come back here to go to bed. I asked (before telling him my plans) what were we doing, his response was whatever he felt like doing. I asked if we would get son's science stuff to which he replied, yes and whatever he wanted to do. At that point I said well make sure it isn't too late I have plans, I'm going out with the neighbor. He got pissed, said fine you do it all then.

I then told the kids to stop getting dressed they weren't coming, that I was going to go out with a friend and have a bit of mommy away time. (I never do this, haven't in about 6 years) Now he has dropped me off three times at the bookstore in the past year for an hour or 1 1/2 hours but taht's it and he always has the car. I knew this would upset him as he doesn't like this type of stuff. he then replies he's tired and going to bed, to which I remind him we have a almost 2 year old that'll need to be watched. he goes anyways, not to worry I do wake him up before leaving, he asks how long I'll be gone and exactly where am I going. I respond bookstore, science fair shopping and hanging out. I then ask, How long should I be gone (yes I was being sassy too because of the way he asked) course his response was 5 minutes. To which I responded not a chance it takes longer than that to look for a book. I left then, but not before stating the internet was up and they could text me if needed. I started getting text messages about 10 minutes away. This lasted an hour.

Did our science fair shopping first, needed a certain type of nail but most places only sell by the box which was $20-$25 a box, I actually needed three different nails. No way was i paying that for three nails. ($60) So i replied in a text making sure size and explaining. I went to 6 different stores, he called me a liar and everything. I was furious, then we went to the mall to get a freebie there. (sephora is giving away a free 10 day supply of bare ascentuals) We had tons of fun just talking then back to the bookstore. I did spend $60 like I said I would, plus additional money for son's supplies. but figure in the end it still wasn't 100.00 like he'd taken either time. So i was good.

SOOOOO not the case. Got home and he was upset, first words were Money, i want change for the $40. I told him there was none and he started laughing stating I'm the one that makes a big deal out of him spending money but here I blew all of mine. Keep in mind i never do this, and he goes every week. I did make the comment he took 100 last week and 100 this past friday. he still claimed i was in the wrong. I tried telling him i did 60 on my books and the rest was for our son's stuff. didn't matter, he did try making me feel bad about enjoying myself. I didn't though, i told him that too and he only tried more. Now I did get the shakes as I can't stand confrontation but I hid that from him.

So I had a wonderful time but I can see the more I rebell or become my own person the harder it is going to be. He is not ready to let go of the control he has and will fight me the whole way. I will tell you in the post in the morning what books I got, I think ya'll will be proud.

I thank the universe for my signs today and the gift they gave me. I also thank them for my fun time, even if it was a bit stressed with texts. I do hope to do it again, but think he'll try to pull those ropes. I ask for the power to continue this and to continue to grow.

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Comment by Emha on February 9, 2009 at 2:40am
Hang in there, you are doing great. He needs to be in control as you say, so the changes you make are frightening to him. Start taking your life back step by step, but don't push it. Keep on practising to focus on the way you want things to be, not as they are. Because today's thoughts and feelings create your tomorrow!

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