The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Yes, I'm still here. Today was and will be a quiet day, one of which I can stop and just think and absorb everything that I've been learning and feeling. I'm much calmer about everything now, since speaking with him on Sunday Night I feel better and more at peace with myself.

On him- he's yet to make any comment to anything I said Sunday Night. But with that being stated he did email just to say morning and he does ask me about my day. He sent an email today telling me he wants us to do some fun things as a family this weekend. (this was one of my things, he's always going out and we are ALWAYS stuck at home)

Another comment I made to him was: Why are we so different? You can spend $100s or $1000.00 whenever you feel, but when I ask to get a book all you allow me is $30. His response was, so if I give you the same amount you shouldn't be bugged by it. Course I told him it wasn't possible how much he spends to give me the same amount, still pay bills and have fun with the kids. At first he argued, but when I said to be honest he agreed. I told him he just has to quit going period.

Today we cashed a check, only I can since I have an account and he doesn't. He had me withdraw money, bought a few groceries and of course was getting ready to leave. But not before giving me a portion of what was in his pocket. Here, book money. Yeah he gave me money, which means he's going to one place. Not even half. I know this might sound trivial but to me, it shows he isn't willing to stop. The money he gave me is to shut me up.

This week: concentrate more on self and start working out.

Manifested some parking spaces this week too, fun exercise. Oh and I rented a movie but before going I wished I had the code to get a free one. Once at the rental someone gave me a code, he said, "We all need to look out for one another." I thought this was so kind and neat.

This week I'll continue to ask for guidance as well as some income to come in for me. More than what I normally make. I'm a blogger so it can get pretty hard earning money, but I know I can do it.

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Comment by Homemom3 on February 4, 2009 at 9:29am
Thank you Audrey. On what he knows, he knew because he gave ME the money. I end up using all mine on bills or groceries. But I do plan on stashing whatever I can, but after finding out he went through my pants and jacket I'm a bit upset. Trying to focus now on happier things.
Comment by AUDREY on February 4, 2009 at 9:26am
Hi there...I now understand what you are going through. This is very difficult for you. This man needs help because this is an addiction and you might end up losing your home! I have seen this happen to someone who I knew. I would stash away whatever money you have so it is safe for the future of your kids. Don't let him know that there is that amount available. It will only be available to you and your kids. You deserve this.xxxx
Comment by Homemom3 on February 4, 2009 at 7:48am
Yes, I'm struggling with that myself. I never buy myself anything, I just figured that's what a mom did. Plus his money is HIS money, even though I work at home and take care of the kids. Today, he was digging in my pants. What was he doing? Searching for the money HE HAD given me. What for? He spent all his last night THERE and wanted money for lunch.
Comment by Lil Miss Starlight on February 4, 2009 at 4:56am
Yeah, I've been in a similar situation with money before too. It came to the point when I realised that all along I hadn't really felt that I deserved it, and he did feel like he deserved it, so he got it. If I had money, I'd only spend it on groceries or for others, never for myself. So I just started declaring that I too have am worthy of having spending money for myself. I started feeling worthy and deserving...and I got it!! I think part of it may be that if you see yourself as not important enough, then those around you will (perhaps subconsiously) see you that way too.

Anyway, getting a very positive vibe from you! Everything is working out for the best for you (I was going to write 'will work out for the best' , but it's already starting now) You'll see, a step each day.
♥♥
Comment by Homemom3 on February 4, 2009 at 3:26am
I have heard the same thing, for myself and I realize this and have for some time, I have allowed this to happen. From what I've seen in the new women of today, they do not allow this, in fact they are the ones that have the money and the hubby's have to ask. I tried it once, he allowed it but very short time, when he didn't get it he took it all back. I've never worked, except online so it is one thing I wish I could do...support myself financially and that is what I'm trying to do now. I'm slowly getting there.
Comment by Emha on February 4, 2009 at 3:01am
I'm glad you are floating in calmer waters now.

Looking at shows like Dr. Phil and reading blogs from American women, like the one you wrote here, makes me realise how different the position of Dutch (perhaps European) women is as supposed to American. It feels like women over here are (in general) more (financially) independent. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 13 years and my (ex)husband was the sole provider, but I have never ever had to ask for spending money, nor would I have settled for that. (This is in no way meant to critisize, it's just an observation I make)

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