I haven't blogged in a while and at first it was because I didn;t know what to write... I'm still unsure where to go from here.. but I remember when I first joined this site how excited I was to be a part of it, I remember how excited I was to start my journey towards my goals...
5 days ago my mother got admitted into hospital and is currently on life support. Five days ago she was healthy and vibrant, at midnight she started having diarrhea and vomiting, things went downhill from there... LOA states that one usually attracts what happens to oneself. I dont believe anyone in my family attracted this. I have been in and out of hospital, in and out of prayer.. weaving an invisible quilt of faith, parts drenched in tears...
This is not at all how i envisioned my journey. My goals have been put on pause but i have been trying to use LOA to get my mum better. I'm a Christian and I have prayed and pleaded, demanded and begged with God for my mothers life.
When "life" happens where do my goals and LOA stand? How can I be in alignment? Does it matter? Is it even important?
Even though my goals have been on hold I'm going to do what I can each day.. that's what I say to myself when I'm out of hospital... when I get home I'm tired or I start to feel that my goals are trivial and insignificant... in comparison to my mum being in the hospital...
I say to myself while watching my mum lying on a hospital bed sedated... " She will get better, she will get better, she will get better, she will get better"
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and i start to prepare for the worst ... sometimes my faith runs low... and I'm asking you for a re-fill.. has anyone ever been through anything like this before?
How am I supposed to approach my goals?
lease say a short prayer for my mum (Rebecca Makala) , or do a short visualisation where perhaps you are reading a post where I describe her improvement in health and express joy in her return home!
Last night, the patient in the bed next to my mum died, the day before that another lady died and I watched her adult son, plead for her to "come back"...
Yesterday while I tried to sleep by my mums bedside, I got a moment to pray and just say thank you that my mum is STILL HERE. Thank you that I am growing through this experience. Thank you that THIS experience has got me to value life and how fragile it is. Thank you that THIS experience has got me to QUIT smoking completely.Thank you that this experience is providing me with time to get close to my Creator and the universe.. Thank you that I am humbled...
At my high moments, I don't doubt that she will pull through. At my lowest I grieve for my possible loss.
my heart is desperate.. please pray for us and send us positive vibes..
I love you all Co-creators!
(I still havent given up on my journey <or my mum>, neither should you.)