The 100 Day Reality Challenge

I am DEEPLY hearing and understanding my heart, telling it I will listen, no matter what it has to say! I am starting the healing path in 3 of my major relationships, and it began by getting real and getting honest, first with myself and now with those people. Hard, yes. Liberating? ABSOLUTELY!!! ;)

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Comment by Adrienne on September 21, 2009 at 2:07pm
Hey Clarissa,

I am finally getting caught up with the videos here and somehow there was a group in the middle that I skipped and the only reason I realized that is because I KNEW I saw that you had posted a new one but when I was done...I hadn't come across yours. So back I went and sure enough...I missed a whole page somehow. Yours was the last of all of those, lol. I guess I saved the best for last. :)

I read somewhere (and of course I am not going to remember right now where because I want to, ha!) about our pre-conceived and often false belief systems with regard to family. These beliefs are ingrained in us through society and religion and through time as far back as is recordable and they run so very deep. It involves the concept of feeling obligated to family because, well after all, they are family. As a result we tend to think that we have some obligation to these their maintenance and in some cases misuse and abuse. In the book I was reading it indicated that the only obligation we have to anyone in this world is to ourselves, (as our experience and reality is singular) - not our parents, siblings, children, friends, cousins etc.... This can be a difficult concept to swallow because it goes against the grain of so many of our core beliefs. Now, without noting the obvious responsibility we have to care for our children, we must learn to tend to ourselves...our hearts...our needs...because the only way we can change anything in our lives and in the world is to make changes within us and we certainly can't do that by neglecting ourselves for the sake of others which so many of us so often do. Not only that but we think that we are doing the right thing by sacrificing ourselves for them, and that is such wrong thinking. (Yeah - NOW we know that, lol)

Anyway, my point in all of this ramble is that I agree about the boundaries and honoring your own needs and staying true to yourself. It is necessary, even with family. We are so inter-tangled with family (and this can be a good thing :)) we of course develop expectations from them and many times expect them to be different from who and where they are (even if for their own good) but we can't expect people to be any different than they are, even if we love them and even if we think and 'know' they should be. Who they are has nothing to do with us. (Honestly, who knows what soul lesson they are here to learn, right?) All we can do IS love them and love ourselves and get our needs met from within ourselves. Now this can sure put a strain on close relationships and in figuring out where do we go from here? And sometimes even...DO we go from here? Sounds like that is where you are - and it is hard with family, unmet expectations, love, disappointment, dishonesty etc..

So let your mom and dad learn their soul lessons in the ways they need to and TRY NOT to be affected by their reactions to your needs for yourself and your own life...(needs like NOT being guilted into being there more than you can and facing negativity and all of that) and just love them the best way you can from the distance you need for you to take care of you. Whew, THAT was a mouthful and sorry if I am just stating the obvious!

I hope as you get clearer about your own desires and needs that these relationships get much easier and the challenges and difficulties just naturally fall away. I am sending you much love and light and I know that you are finding or have found your amazing inner strength and it is just catapulting you into more of the person you are and so desire to be! Yay! This is going to be such a transforming time for you so I hope that you can embrace that strength and hold on tight until you get to the other side! :) Much love, xoxo


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