Hello Dear Amazing Stellar Outstanting Co-creators!
I miss my oooold blogging!
I miss putting on the page whatever I'm feeling at the moment and just telling it to people who think likewise and are brave enough for believing in changing their lives.
My journey so far has been journey-ish and I've seen a lot in these 33 days. I started laying out my goals and being very proud of my good goals. Through the day it's like something started accelerating and I felt electric by it. I've been wanting to change my life for so long! And now that it's happening I feel different! When I started blogging here I always wrote those long, long, loooooong posts. Now I feel the process taking shape and becoming visible.
I almost did not post here after I started my season, but I've been living from the heart and being mindful (focusing, paying attention) to the process. Even my psychologist is complimenting me for my perception of myself.
I decided (finally) to DO. I perceived the world is full of everything: rise, fall, goodness, bad, emptiness, fullness, information, love, nature, people of all kinds. It's the CHOICES we make that matter. What you choose for your life, reader, MATTERS. I was finally able to admit to myself that I was afraid before. Afraid of failure, of losing and I saw I have 1 life. I have to try. I want to see things happening. I want to have actual RESULTS. I want to show it and to live it. I want to do this for myself, no matter what's outside. And that's a decision. It's called RESOLVE.
It all starts with a tiny, tiny seed of a dream. "I want to be happy". And if you water it...It grows. It grows into results. Fabulous ones sometimes. And who decides it? Who makes it so? Primarily us. And I just love watching the extraordinary people who showed us so in so many different ways. So many known and unknown people who did wonderful things we admire.
I do believe I deserve LOVE, true LOVE just because I exist. I deserve it no matter what. I deserve to be prosperous and pretty, and beautiful and thin and well-dressed and more. I deserve a life that fits me and friends like the tv show, who share their lives with you and make you happy (and sometimes pissed off) but are true friends :P. I deserve this beautiful boyfriend who will want to be with me for who I am and will "click" and work with my life and I with his life. I want a full life. Full of learning and growing, learning and growing...
I decided to live by my own standards. I made myself very sad by living by society's standards. I need to be what I need to be and to grow and show it. What's inside of me is great and beautiful and I was born for it!
I love myself and what I lived so far. I'm grateful for this human experience and for my eyes, and hands, and ears, and feet. I'm grateful for my books, and house, and electricity, and cable tv, and entertainment of all types! The films and tv series and talk shows I love! I'm grateful for music, be it instrumental piano or rock n' roll. I'm grateful for my family and the journey with them. I'm grateful for my friends! I'm grateful for the lining up of my soul, mind, emotions and physical body working perfectly for this wonderful life I'm already tasting and feeling.
Life is for everybody. Thank you for the awareness of that. There is no fight, just the illusion of separation. Just lack of inner peace. Just disconnection. And there's a solution for it, right here, right now.
About my goals: I've been trying my best and those are still out of balance, but it feels great to be self sufficient enough to adjust until I reach it! I missed zumba this week... I'm still on the scrolls! I haven't washed clothes this week (bahh) I've been on meds because I had this thing on the bottom of my back (don't know the name), but I know it's about wanting security and money and balance. And I've been a good girl enough to live it and heal it! Sleep IS getting better! I'm not afraid of losing myself in sleep anymore =O. that's great. To see you had a phase of being something, but you're not that actually. You're making yourself day by day. Way by way. I also realized changing did not turn me into someone else, I'm still the same inside, but with new goals and abilities and that's interesting, huh?
I chose indigo because it's a color, so it's ethereal and spacious. It also relates to intuition, originality. Today I just dove in the feeling part of me like a beautiful pool of indigo with several shades of violet. And I'm happy I did so.
Thank you dear friends on this site! Living from the heart is really paying off, even though I still feel all emotions and sometimes pressure I know there is a place of BEING, and I can always connect to it. =D Jenny, Chrystyna, Seadragon, Bettina, Sunny Side, Max Powers and everyone here. I am learning deeply each day with all of you (the unnamed to!). I send you lots of LOVE, unconditional love for your existence and peace, deep peace where you feel only this beautiful being shining inside of you.