The 100 Day Reality Challenge

So something happened last Tuesday that I decided I wanted to share.  I was at a family reunion/memorial for my grandparents.  Both my grandparents changed addresses, or died, this past year and their ashes were being buried near a lake in Ontario were they spent many summers.   My uncle asked if I would do a reading in the church the night before the memorial and I immediately felt the fear rise inside me.  I tend to ‘fearorize’ quite often.   My mind jumps to all the ‘what if’s’ and I have to trash and reprogram quite often.   I have uncomfortable feelings that wash over me at seemingly random times and 75% of the time I can stay with the feeling or explore it and transform it.  But 15% of the time it’s so uncomfortable that I need to remove myself from the situation.  So, when I am faced with being in an unknown situation I have fears of having these feelings and being trapped.  For instance,  being up at the front of a potentially sweltering church on an August day in front of all my family and feeling so uncomfortable that I would have to leave.   I tried to tell myself that if that unlikely event occurred it wouldn’t be a big deal.  But that brought up my fear of calling negative attention to myself which is something my mother did all the time.  But that’s another story.  I told my uncle I would maybe do it and he said he would give the reading to me and let me decide.   That evening I got so upset and angry.   I felt like fear was getting in my way.  If fear wasn’t there did I want to read or would I rather take it all in?  I couldn’t even hear what my heart really wanted or what the right thing to do for my grandparents was because there was so much anxiety.   I also don’t always speak up for myself and if reading at the church actually wasn’t something I wanted to do, I wanted to be able to voice that.  It all seemed so complicated and I felt really alone.   I felt as if no one else would understand.  If put in my situation they would just do it, or not.   The next morning I woke up with so much emotion.  I couldn’t stop crying and I still didn’t know what I wanted to do.  Luckily my best friend was with me and he was there to listen to my sobs and support me.   I am learning to be more gentle and loving with myself and realized I had been beating myself up about all these feelings so I let it go and opened my heart to whatever would happen.  I pulled it together for breakfast and kept repeating ‘have faith, it will all work out and you will know what to do.’  I was coming back from breakfast and heading to my room to change when I walked by a table of pictures and other memorabilia from my grandparent’s lives.  There was a book of short stories that had been written by high school students in the 30’s.  I had never seen it before.  I found my granny’s name and turned to her story, ‘The Augmented Seventh.’  It was about a girl who was afraid of singing in front of her class but ultimately learns to let go and something beautiful happens.  For real.  I started to ball my eyes out.  I knew I was supposed to find it.  I felt like someone understood how I felt and I knew I wanted to read this story to my family.  It hit so many chords with me, especially since music has always been a big part of my life. My aunt had a slide show planned for the evening and had some stories she wanted to read so I asked if I could read granny’s story.   The memorial at the church was beautiful and I had a great day with the family.  We never did get to the stories for a couple reasons but I felt fine about it.  All of my fears when away when I read the story that morning so I was cool with reading it or not reading it.  But I would like to share it with you so I’ll make a little video.  

The Augmented Seventh from megan clarke on Vimeo.

 

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Comment by Elise Wilder on November 6, 2011 at 3:34am
I don't think I could have said it any better than Jilly did.  I am really blown away by all of this.  What a beautiful ending to my day to witness such synchronicity and magical manifesting.  Megan this is just amazing! (and Jilly, so was your response!)  I am so blessed to be connected with the two of you!
WIth deep appreciation,
Elise
Comment by Megan on August 22, 2011 at 10:34pm

I am happy to share 'fearorize.'  I got it from my stepmother.  It lightens the mood eh?  Thanks for listening to my story.  :)  

 

Comment by Megan on August 22, 2011 at 2:50pm
Thanks for reading, listening and commenting Jilly!  It is pretty cool.  I was in awe that day and just kept crying every time I thought about it.  Loved your limb analogy. :)
Comment by Jill on August 22, 2011 at 2:38pm

Megan, How wildly ~FANTASTIC~. All the while you were reading that I was thinking how we create our reality. You created that and brought it into your reality. How amazing how 73 years ago you had a part in creating that short story so it would be in the right place at the right time for you to hear its message "NOW" 73 years later. How absolutely mind blowing. So awesome it gave me chills to think of your granny writing it, never realizing it would be read and broadcast by you 73 years later. It closed the gap of time, showing us that time is irrelevant. Its as if granny were the fingers and you are the shoulder...and the arm was the 73 years. Now you bent the arm at the elbow and touched your shoulder with your fingers, bending time from 1938 to 2011. Oh my gosh...more chills. Thanks for posting and sharing this.

Simply SPECTACULAR !

J

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