Day 5, Season 1

Greetings...

Finally, a day off of work! Work has been an interesting place lately...it appears I have finally getting some recognition, and appreciation for all my extra work! I will be assisting our clinical director on some upcoming projects! I am very blessed, and thankful for this.

In other areas, I have been slacking with my exercise and diet. I think part of that is because I know I need to learn to love myself as I am. I've struggled with eating disorders on and off for a long time. The recent "on" time was very recent. I've gained some weight back, and I know I'm not fat or unhealthy...I need to love this body I have chosen and not use it as a way to escape from unpleasant feelings that come from certain situations. I will be starting a training/running program in April for my big race in September. I should enjoy this time off from scheduled runs and work outs.

I have been mediating, and I love it more and more. I also have gotten into the habit of writing down my intentions, as well as a few affirmations daily in a small notebook that I then carry in my purse. I believe writing is a powerful tool, and it is helpful to always have it on hand. If I need a reminder, it's right there.

Over all, I think my quality of living is greatly improving. I am feeling more aware, and more spiritual, a little more every day. I am getting better what recognizes what exactly I am feeling. And while I may not know for exactly why it is I'm feeling that, it's getting easier to not let that singular emotion snowball into something more than it really is. Of course, it's not always that simple. Tonight for example, I was reminded our easy it can be for the human machine our soul is inhabiting to be so...human. Although I am an adult, in an adult life, complete with a child, it can be so easy for our parents to just really upset us. I remind myself, though, that my father is just another soul (one I believe is actually younger than I) living out this experience. I ask my spirit guides to help me forgive and just move on. It's senseless to keep holding on to things that really, in the big picture, are tiny moments in the illusion of time. Another thing that makes me feel human, is experiencing affections toward a person. The whole situation confuses me, and I don't know how to navigate the feelings at all. Historically, I become very self damning in these situations. I have a hard time letting people get close to me. This time, I am trying to shut the ego up, and give it to my guides...what will be, will be. If it's for the highest good, it will be. I'm going to let things fall into whatever place they will fall and not over analyze this to a million little pieces. Being in this human life is so complicated at times :)

Speaking of spirit guides, I believe I have been receiving messages telling me to write more. I will be starting a blog, and I'm not sure what direction it will go. It will defineitly have a lot of spituaitlity involved, but I think it's also going to have a lot about forgiveness and overcoming obstacles to grow. About a year ago, I left an abusive marriage. It was the hardest, darkest time of my life. I don't even remember about a five month period. But without going through that, I would never have been able to grow. I think it's important for people to have that kind of outlook. I also think it helps to just know, no matter what is going on, it's never over. You pick how the path will go. I am getting very excited for this project!

On that note, love to all!